Thursday, February 11, 2010


So, what in the world do I do if I am in the "walkaway wife" mode. First of all it is a very tough, and in the same way, a very safe and protected place to be. There is no question when you are in this mode, that you will be investing any more into the relationship, so it has a bit of relief/revenge flavor to it. But I think for whatever reason, there is often good reason to go there, but there are even better reasons to get out of there. Being in the walkaway wife mode is comfortable in a way, and can easily go on forever if we don't do anything proactively to get ourselves out of it. Ah yes, but getting ourselves out of it means working, being vulnerable and open to the uncertain possibilities.... Possibilities such as
? Will I look like a fool to come back?
? Will I re enter the relationship only to be hurt again?
? Why should I bother, if I don't know the outcome?
? Will I be setting myself up for eternal sadness and hurt?
? What is really best for the kids?

And on and on and on the list of questions goes. The truth is, facing your walkaway wife is full of fear, anger, uncertainty and risk. But staying in this place of deadness is not a piece of cake, nor does it reflect the full and victorious life that God intends. There just comes a time when we have to look in the mirror and face our truths.
Have I done all I can to save this marriage?
Am I really getting smarter and stronger by just hiding out in my hurt? Have I looked honestly at myself, my past hurts and contributions to this mess, and done my own work and healing?
Am I willing to move ahead with God, even without a guaranteed outcome?
Lots of questions, no certain answers is the dilema of stepping out of the walkaway wife position. If you are ready to peek out from your protected position, to look at yourself, to explore options for getting smarter and stronger about how you do marriage, I would recommend that you pick up Michelle Weiner Davis's book from the library or Amazon or bookstore. Divorce Remedy, or Divorce Busting both talk about how to get out of the dilema of the Walkaway Wife.

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