So, what do I mean by that!?!?!?! The qualified part, is that under certain circumstances, it certainly can be rekindled. So what are the circumstances?
FIRST:
We have to seperate out our desire and search for love to be a ME thing. I mean we have to not be tied to finding, keeping and rekindling our love with our husbands. Sounds rather strange when I write it....... But for so many years I wanted to have a marriage which honored God and I drove myself crazy, even though that sounds like a respectable goal. I am only in charge of me and my life, and when we make goals or have desires which include our spouses things get complicated very fast. So we need to seperate out our search for and desire for love to just ourselves, our husbands are in charge of themselves. When I changed my desire to be a woman who honored God, I didn't drive myself so crazy!
SECOND:
Once we are just looking at ourselves we can begin the real work of growing. So we begin by connecting to God and His love, acceptance and great and perfect plan for us. This becomes the bedrock of any future growth. We HAVE to start here!
THIRD:
I hate to be the one to tell you this but Fairy tales aren't true and no one promised you a rose garden. We next have to examine and get rid of any unrealistic expectations. Get rid of all the riff raff clogging up our hopes and dreams.
FOURTH:
We need to heal from our own past. Examine our family history, life experiences any traumas we have had, etc. It may take being in a group, counseling, years of Bible study, journaling or all of the above. For me, I had to examine what it meant to be from an alcoholic family and what my role and rules were. I had to look at my reaction to the death of my sister and my parents divorce. Then I had to look at my unhealthy relational patterns which I had been practicing in life and marriage. This can be a long process and it will take as long as it takes. Probably a lifetime!
Other helpful things we can do is to get a group of like minded, supportive women around you. Then learn and apply skills for a healthy marriage. Of course it would be preferrable if we could do this with our spouse, but it is also possible to do alone.
So I recommend that if you want to experience rekindled love that you do all of these things for 5 years and then reasses the situation then!
Can I promise you that your love will be rekindled? NO
Can I promise you that it won't if you don't do these things? YES
To proceed down this path of working, searching and desiring to have a rekindled love alone is a fearful and risky path. But it is a path that honors God, grows us up, and from my perspective, the only path of hope towards rekindling love. Let's do our part and see what happens. . . . . It did work for me! May God Bless you!
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